About Learning: “Hey, you had the lighter one”

My wife and I attended a family party at her sister’s last weekend.  Her neighbor and husband stopped by with their five-month-old twins, a boy, and a girl.


Ryan and Harper

As it happened at this particular party, most of the kids were older, not infants.  My eight-year-old daughter Juliet might have been the youngest kid at the party. So these were the only babies enjoying this family graduation party.  And, as usually occurs, the babies started getting passed around like a bowl of guac. All the parents, remembering the good old days, arguing over who’s turn it was to hold them next.  Holding these adorable infants, parents reminisced about the times when their kids didn’t talk back, didn’t leave towels on the bathroom floor, didn’t borrow their cars, and return them without gas.  Oh my — watching your friends hold these two infants brought us right back to those days when parenting was reduced to changing diapers and breastfeeding (my wife, not me).  


Not babies anymore

We have five children between us, a blended family. So each of us has done “baby parent” three times. And when you are the parent of an infant, you have a great deal to learn. I remember that first time I changed my son’s diaper,  how difficult it was: ”Where do I put this while I open up that?  What do I do with this cream over here? It’s getting all over me. Ugh, he’s peeing on me.” Not six weeks later I became an expert diaper changer. I could change my baby’s diaper like a Penn and Teller trick;  you hardly knew it had happened.  I changed my kids’ diapers everywhere. I did diaper duty on car seats, desks, even garbage pails. Anywhere I needed to. I think I could change a diaper in midair if necessary.

And so you learn. 

As an educator, I am utterly fascinated by the way we learn, as we all should be.   Here is an essential question: Does learning have to be difficult? Can learning come without some degree of pain and hard work?  Consider parenting and the lyricism of the reverie that occurred at that party the other night. Everyone who held those babies forgot the vicissitudes of parenting, the sleepless nights, the running around, the worry, not to mention, for the women, delivering the baby, which I hear can be kinda painful.  My mother was fond of saying that if God didn’t put a baby’s face over the pain of delivery,  every kid in the world would be an only child. All of these challenges were forgotten.  These folks preferred to reflect on how much they learned, how much they accomplished as parents, how proud they were of their children.

When it was our turn to hold the babies, they were getting fussy so no one seemed to want to take them from us.  Danielle and I used whatever special parenting tricks we’ve learned to soothe them for a little over a half-hour while mom went home to get bottles to feed them.  You know what, it really is like riding a bike, we are still pretty good at being “baby parents”. Danielle held Ryan, the boy, who loved looking around at all the action.  I held Harper, the girl, and I used some of my special tricks to quiet her quivering lip; she even started to fall asleep in my arms. Of course, everyone at the party was saying,  “Hey, you guys are naturals, you should have more kids.” People always say this.

When mom came back with the bottles,  she took Ryan first. Feeling the difference between the weight of the two when I handed Harper to Danielle, my wife said, “Hey, you had the lighter one.” So funny. 

I guess you learn a lot by overcoming challenging circumstances, but memories of that journey never completely fade away. That’s how learning works.

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About our legacy: What details will be remembered

In 2007 a former astronaut got in her car and drove 850 miles from Houston, Texas to Orlando, Florida to confront a man, also a former astronaut, with whom she had some kind of a love interest.  It’s not certain what her intentions were but she had in her possession a steel mallet, a 4-inch folding knife, rubber tubing, rubber gloves, $600 in cash, and love letters,  all in bags. When she confronted the fellow ex-astronaut, she succeeded only in getting him to partially roll down the window of his car and she sprayed him with pepper spray.images

Despite the intricacies of the sordid plan described above, the one detail everyone remembers about this incident is the fact that in order to endure the long drive from Houston to Orlando, the woman wore an adult diaper.  In fact, Google it, and the first headline you will find is “Diaper-wearing astronaut jailed in love triangle plot”.   There wasn’t a single story published about this incident in which this wasn’t mentioned; in most cases, it was the lead.  

I’m not going to focus here on the reasons why Americans were fascinated by this little detail (although I reserve the right to do so at length in a future post).  Rather, my fascination is with the curious details that can take such prominence that they overshadow the story itself. This, I have found, is a curious phenomenon associated with middle school kids.  Whenever you ask young adolescents about the adults in their lives, their teachers, administrators, their bus driver, the lunch ladies, they always focus on some quirky detail that is the part that becomes the whole:

The social studies teacher who shepherded his students from Jamestown through Reconstruction: 

  • “He always had  M & M’s on his desk”

The lovely lady who served lunch to 804 kids every day: 

  • “She used to whistle songs from Wicked”

The assistant principal who greeted them every day when they got off the bus:

  • ”That guy was really tall.”

So what’s the point?  Middle school kids and probably elementary and high school kids too, will not remember all of the pearls of wisdom and small acts of kindness that we bestow upon them every day, well, maybe one or two. 

Middle school educators should focus their attention on always doing their very best work with kids, don’t worry about the details. Be kind, elevate student voice, work hard, focus more on learning than on “content” … because more than likely, your legacy is going to be some version of  “Diaper-wearing astronaut jailed in love triangle plot.” 

Posted in adolescence, Best Practice, Educational Focus, Inside the Middle School, Personal Best, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Teaching/Learning | Leave a comment

About parenting: You’re not so bad

For years I’ve had a sneaky suspicion that I was a horrible parent.  It wasn’t anything obvious. I never left my children in a car with the windows rolled up on a hot day.  My kids always have money in their lunch accounts at school. We have a pool in our backyard, that’s something.  We’ve even driven to Disney with them, in Florida, twice. Nevertheless, I have a nagging thought in the back of my mind, or in my horribly dark soul, that I’m really not cutting it as a parent.  

517rvxIMdNL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_Fortunately for me, I have discovered a book that has helped me to understand that I actually am a horrible parent.  Just as Marie Kondo’s book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up has helped tens of thousands of people to look at their homes and offices to realize they are unredeemable slobs, reading Amy Morin’s book, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do  has helped me to finally particularize the ways in which I actually am the substandard parent I always imagined myself to be.

What are the 13 things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do..?

1. They don’t condone a victim mentality.
2. They don’t parent out of guilt.
3. They don’t make their children the center of the universe.
4. They don’t allow fear to dictate their choices.
5. They don’t give their children power over them.
6. They don’t expect perfection.
7. They don’t let their children avoid responsibility.
8. They don’t shield their children from pain.
9. They don’t feel responsible for their children’s emotions.
10. They don’t prevent their children from making mistakes.
11. They don’t confuse discipline with punishment.
12. They don’t take shortcuts to avoid discomfort.
13. They don’t lose sight of their values.


Maybe Juliet could’ve taken the railroad to the game by herself

That describes most weekends at my house… that is… between my wife and me… we cover at least 9 of the 13 “things” at our house between Friday and Sunday night.  I didn’t collaborate with Amy in writing this book but I’m pretty certain she has a webcam in my house that sees me remind my 8 year old to get off her I-Pad for the 4th time in an hour, or me giving my 11th grader a little too much help with his college essay, or scolding my 9th grader for getting an 87% on her science test and not crying about it.  Yes, it’s confirmed, as I’ve long suspected, I am a fairly horrible parent.


Made their beds

But… there’s hope for me, for all of us. Morin’s book offers guidance that can help all of us become better parents.  Many of her ideas are powerful and common sense things parents can do differently; some of her ideas challenge our assumptions about parenting.  Consider this advice to parents who make their child the center of the universe: “Keep the emphasis on how kindness affects other people, rather than how great a person it makes the child for doing a good deed.”  To parents who expect perfection, Morin encourages parents to tell their children stories about their own failures.  We make our kids’ beds and do their laundry but we’re surprised when they

return to live with us well into their 30’s; Morin advises parents to give their children chores and responsibility.

I’m pretty sure you’re a better parent than I am but there’s something in this powerful book for everybody.  Read it and also join us for a discussion at the Jericho Joint PTA Open Council Meeting in the Middle School Library on MARCH 18 at 9:30am.  See you there.

(One last thought.  I do not do Number 4:  “allow fear to dictate my choices.”   I’m trying to talk my wife into allowing my third grader to walk to school by herself; hey, I took the subway to Yankee Stadium when I was in 7th grade.  I’m not winning this argument.)

Posted in Best Practice, Parenting, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tagged | 1 Comment

Stories: About a boy

It’s been said, if you don’t tell your own stories,  somebody will tell them for you.

This is a story that must be told.

Sometimes things happen in your school that are so awesome, but no one knows about them.  

And if everyone knew, the world would be a better place.

This is about Bess and Lauren, two teachers at our school.  


1kevin 2

Kevin on a chromebook

There’s a sixth grader who is sort of in their class.    His name is Kevin.  Kevin went to one of the elementary schools many of our kids came from.  They know him. He’s registered, he has a student ID number. His particulars, even his photo, are in the student management system.  He’s been assigned to a sixth-grade middle school team of two teachers, Lauren and Bess. But this student has an illness that prevents him from coming to school for the present time.   Kevin’s going to get better, but he has yet to step foot in our school building. Consider how difficult that must be for this boy. Here’s where his middle school teachers, Lauren and Bess come in.

I know that there are robot-like devices that can be used for kids to attend school under these circumstances.  There was an IBM commercial that showed a kid attending school from home while remotely operating a robot that traveled the hallways and even joined his friends in the cafeterias at lunchtime, “Oh my, I can’t wait ‘til the future, it looks so



Kevin’s working with this group

cool.”  There was a story on the news in 2014 about a high school freshman on Long Island who attended school using a robot because he was recovering from appendicitis surgery.  But his mom works for the company that makes these robots.  She loaned one to the school for her son  That was three years ago, I haven’t taken a sick day in five years, still no robots.  


Bess and Lauren didn’t wait for the robots.  They are cutting edge users of technology. That’s not to say that they are always incorporating bells and whistles into their lessons.  Quite the contrary. But they realize that if there’s a way to leverage technology in order for kids to connect with people they otherwise could not,  or obtain information in a way they could not access without technology; then they are eager to incorporate digital tools. They use Flipgrid to give students another means to demonstrate learning in ways that don’t involve pen and paper.  They use Google Hangouts and Facetime to do Mystery Skypes with kids in other parts of the country or across the globe.  These teachers jumped in and got Kevin into the class using simple, free technology available to anyone with a laptop or any device.  Using an app called Appear.in that is designed for video conversations and meetings, Kevin joins the class every day via his computer at home.  Lauren and Bess have leveraged technology to bring Kevin into their classrooms every day. It’s incredible and inspiring.

I had a chance to see this in action recently when the 6th grade at our school organized a student-led EdCamp (read more about #KidCamp here).   The teachers, and sometimes students,  carried “Kevin” around to different sessions as he video conferenced in on a Chromebook. He chose what sessions he wanted to join because the session board was posted online for everyone to view.  He joined a session I facilitated called “Music: What are you listening to? Let’s talk” It was so cool to learn about the music my middle school kids are listening to.  We used a Padlet to post a link to songs we like and the discussion went on from there. We simply talked about the nature of music and why we love it. Kevin had the link to the Padlet and he was able to post his own links and share songs he liked. He is an incredible kid.

Amazing educators, when you ask them, “What do you teach?”, they reply, “I teach kids!”  Great teachers love kids. They love the students in front of them and they understand the sacred nature of their professional responsibility to nurture the academic and personal development of kids.  Great teachers know that relationships are the most important thing; not homework, not tests, not awesome lesson plans, but relationships.  Great teachers love kids more than they love content. They might be historians, they might be scientists, but they are teachers of kids first.  They put kids before the curriculum. Inspiring teachers love students they haven’t even met yet. This is what Lauren and Bess have done.

I think that Bess and Lauren are going to be a little embarrassed that I’m writing about this because they’re not looking for any credit but, think about it, this is so awesome. The agile use of technology, the willingness to think outside the box, their incredible empathy and love for their students, the love of the other kids in sixth grade for their friend, the innovation of Kid EdCamp and including Kevin in it.  How many “Kevin”‘s are there around the world? It’s pretty simple to bring them into our schools and classrooms. It’s great for Kevin, it’s transformative for all of us. Not because people want recognition for something, in fact, the opposite seems to be true. Sometimes teachers are just absolutely crushing it every single day in their classrooms and no one really knows about it. They don’t want you to advertise it.  But, if I don’t tell you about it, you won’t realize how easy this is to do.

Like I said, sometimes there are stories that need to be told…


Amazing teachers put kids FIRST: Lauren, Beth, Bess and Suzanne

Posted in adolescence, Best Practice, edcamp, Educational Focus, Inside the Middle School, Personal Best, Teaching/Learning

About kids and devices: Trying to find the answers

I’m trying to figure something out…

At the risk of admitting my age, I will disclose that when I was in middle school, the following were popular “first run” television shows: the Brady Bunch, the Partridge Family, the 6 Million Dollar Man, Charlie’s Angels, Happy Days, and Laverne and Shirley.  That was some great TV right there.  The thing is, I watched an appalling amount of television when I was a kid.  

At that time, there were articles in newspapers and magazines about the har


Brady Bunch

m being done to children through too much TV watching.  My parents and teachers talked a great deal about it also: all these kids to do is watch television, they don’t play outside anymore; they don’t interact with each other.  My teachers lamented that they couldn’t compete with the nature of the material as it was presented on the television screen.  I distinctly remember my 10th grade English teacher, Rich Settani, ranting to my class about TV and how hard it made his job, “Big Bird, Sesame Street… I can’t compete with that!  I don’t even wear colorful ties!” (We loved Mr. Settani).

To anyone following the present-day debate about children and device use,  these conversations will sound more than a little familiar? Are devices harming our children? As a principal in middle school, I am particularly interested in this discussion.

There’s an informative study from Common Sense Media and a series of 

TED Talks on this subject.  At both sites, you’ll find evidence both for and against device use by young people and adults. Their arguments sound vaguely similar to the disputes about TV watching that proliferated when I was in middle school.

As a principal, I am often called upon to weigh in on this debate and to be honest, I’m trying to figure it out.

I have a small scar above my left eye.  When I was 4 years old, while I lay on the floor watching a TV on a metal stand, I kicked over the stand and the TV fell on my face.  


As far as I can determine, this is the greatest harm that has ever come to me from watching television. 


TV’s hurt when they fall on your face.

Our teachers and students can accomplish incredible things through the use of technology that I couldn’t even dream of when I was in middle school.  Using technology, teachers can gather real-time, personalized data from students about their learning and connect them with each other and with the world in amazing ways. BUT… If I posted a photo of my cafeteria on a Tuesday or a Thursday (not Wednesday, that’s “device-free day”) you’d see too many students with their heads buried in their phones.  This can’t be a good thing, can it? Personally, I rely on my phone to stay organized, to track data, and to connect with my personalized network of other learners who share ideas and give me valuable support.  But the urge to frequently check my phone has become a physical “tic” that I know interferes with my relationships and attention span. So you can see how I’m ambivalent when it comes to the blessings and curses of devices.

Principals often share expertise and conclusions, but what do they do when they don’t have either of these?  Is it okay for a principal to say, “I don’t know the answer to this?” I hope so because that’s what I’m saying…  I choose to believe that there’s power in learning alongside the stakeholders in our school community. I will engage kids and adults in focused conversations, share experiences, help them reflect, and gather data and opinions about our technology use.  I’m trying to find the answers to questions about children and devices, but in the meantime, I hope I’m modelling what it means to be a learner.

How about you?  Are there areas of your practice as a leader or teacher that you haven’t figured out?   How are you modelling your learning? How can we be transparent about the process as we learn new things and try to find answers to life’s essential questions?


I put my device in “phone jail” for a day along with a group of 6th graders.  Try it!

Posted in adolescence, Best Practice, Educational Focus, Leadership, Parenting, Personal Best, Reflections, Teaching/Learning | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

About school: We can make it special

nets sweats

Juliet in her Nets Hoodie

On Halloween I took my daughter Juliet who is 8 years old to a Brooklyn Nets game. That’s right, my daughter just started playing basketball and she was so excited to go to her first professional game that she gave up trick-or-treating to do it.  That’s dedication!

We arrived about 45 minutes before the game.  Juliet wore a Brooklyn Nets hoodie that we bought specifically for the occasion.  Standing just inside the entrance, marveling at all the sights and sounds of the arena,  we were approached by a member of the Nets staff who asked Juliet, “Would you like to be part of the “High Five Line” and stand on the court with the players during the national anthem?“  You don’t you have to guess what her response was. Juliet dashed off with the nice Nets lady so fast I thought I would never see my daughter again.

Juliet and 11 other fans had the opportunity to be on the court and high five the players when they came out for warm-ups. Then, she stood in front of one of the players during the singing of the Star Spangled Banner. The player, Ed Davis, even tapped her on the shoulder and gave her a high-five at the conclusion of the anthem.

It would be impossible to overstate Juliet’s excitement about the Nets, basketball, and her awesome night out with her dad.  She is a lifelong Nets fan now for sure! So grateful to the Brooklyn Nets for going to 


Juliet on the “High Five Line”

all the trouble to make it special for Juliet.   

But was it really a lot of trouble?  

When you think about it, this was actually quite easy for the Nets to do.  Every game, the players run onto the court for warm ups and stand for the national anthem.  It’s a fairly straightforward process to grab 12 fans and invite them to join them when this happens.  They gave all the fans a T-shirt but they were created by a sponsor and every shirt was XXX Large so they didn’t have to worry if they fit each participant, Juliet was able to put it on over her hoodie.

It’s wasn’t complicated, but the Nets were able to create this special moment for a group of fans because they are in charge, it’s their building, their court, their team.  They have the power to make the event momentous for the fans.

JMS staff and proud PB Award Recipient

Our school does something similar to this called Personal Best Awards.

One of the guiding principles of our school culture is “always do your personal best”.   We tell kids, you don’t need to be better than somebody else, strive to be better today than you were yesterday. To focus attention on social emotional literacy and on personal development we have monthly themes and we use the CASEL SEL Competencies to guide our work in building students’ personal capacity.   As part of an initiative to promote this, we have something called  “Personal Best Awards”. Four times a year teachers select students to be recognized for doing their personal best.   There’s a small ceremony after school, students are given a tee shirt and a certificate with the reason they were nominated.  Families are invited to attend. There’s cake ( BJ’s will make a cake with the school logo on it for you) and the middle school jazz ensemble performs as families enter and at “intermission”.  As it takes place on a Friday immediately after the school day, many parents can leave work early and most of the staff attends as well.

Parents are so proud when kids are recognized

Superintendent and Board Trustees join us to present PB Awards

Certificates, tee shirts, music, cake… nothing particularly fancy.   Personal Best Award Ceremonies are special occasions for the kids and for their families but they’re not difficult or expensive for us to plan.  This small, simple event sends a powerful message about what we value as a school and it is a special memory for the students who are honored. Principals and teachers can create singular moments for kids everyday.  Like the Brooklyn Nets, these are our schools, classrooms, hallways, gyms, and cafeterias. We are in charge of these settings.  We can do extraordinary things to create lifelong fans of learning and of our schools.

What are some ways that you make it special for kids in your setting?  How do you generate memorable moments that create lifelong fans for your school and classroom.  


Juliet’s Halloween costume: Rosie the Riveter

Posted in adolescence, Best Practice, Inside the Middle School, Leadership, Personal Best, Teaching/Learning, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

About Work / Life Balance: So much to learn

Dp-xqXxW4AAMWU2The 5th Annual EdCamp Long Island took place last Saturday at Mineola High School. About 400 educators attended an amazing day of learning. There so much to say about the planning and preparation that went into this event. It’s my sincere hope that many people who attended EdCampLI will blog about it to spread the good word about this dynamic, personalized version of professional development.

An awesome session I facilitated with the amazing Danielle Gately (@dmgately) was representative of what makes the EdCamp model of learning so extraordinary.   Dp-MOoGWoAAcirQ

It had been a dynamic, energetic day that begin for most people around 8 AM with breakfast and fervent conversation with other passionate educators. Danielle and I booked a session in the 2 PM slot on the topic: Work / Life Balance.  There were only five other sessions in this slot so we figured this was a good time to post a conversation. We expected a sparse crowd because lunch was awesome, there was a lot of food, it was a gorgeous autumn day, and it was Saturday after all, life beaconed outside the halls of the venue.

Dp90pHXWkAMZiKDWe walked into a room that was packed with people. Seriously, standing room only. We have led this session before and we normally get a pretty good crowd, this time the room was bulging at the seams. Danielle and I looked at each other and looked at the people in the room and started by saying,” We hope you didn’t come looking for answers from us, because we came looking for answers from you!”

For the next hour a powerful conversation on this important topic transpired that likely had a transformative effect on every participant.

Some takeaways:

Nobody has all the answers

Dp9L2GjVAAAnYFiIt’s been said that at Ed Camp, the smartest person in the room, is the room. This was never more true than in this session. We learned about Amazon Alexa, Peapod, Checklists, Google calendar, Calm, Headspace, Voxer, apple watches, and many other tools and hacks to manage life and work. People shared strategies, tips, and struggles.  Everyone who left the session came away with ideas to meet the tremendous challenges of balancing their professional and personal lives.

Honesty is the currency of learning

Dp-Aoa0VAAACCpuParticipants felt comfortable sharing their personal stories about work / life balance in a way that was remarkable. One teacher talked about how, on her commute home from work, she often passes by a beautiful bench by a lake.  She invariably thinks to herself, “I wish I had time to stop and go down there and sit for awhile.” So on one occasion she stopped her car and did just that, visited the bench by the water. When she returned to her car, she looked in her watch and noted that she had been gone for exactly 7 minutes. Seven minutes that made huge difference in her thinking and emotions that day. This story made a profound impression on me as I’m sure it did on the others who attended our session.  There is something uniquely invitational about the passion and energy of EdCamp that promotes this kind of candor and openness.

We need each other

Dp94rVeU8AAhV5BSo many people at the session exchanged Twitter handles, email addresses and phone numbers. The conversation continued at the fifth session at a nearby restaurant where many participants stopped by for a drink and to continue talking about this topic as well as all the learning that took place throughout the day.  I am certain that these connections will fortify these busy educators as they navigate the challenges of the hectic year ahead.

It can be difficult to describe the magic of the Ed camp model.  It’s liberating to cast off the formalities, restrictions, and passivity of conventional educational contexts (read: SCHOOL) and embrace a mode of learning that elevates choice, participation and sharing.  When I’m asked to give an example of the power of EdCamp, I will describe the amazing session that took place this past Saturday on the topic of Work / Life balance. We wish you were there!

Posted in Best Practice, edcamp, Educational Focus, Leadership, Parenting, Reflections, Teaching/Learning | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

About reading: You’re not alone

Here’s the thing about adolescence, it can be lonely.  Kids arrive at an interesting stage in their development when they reach the age of 10 or 11.   This fraught stage of life is characterized by remarkable physical, intellectual, and emotional changes in the life of an adolescent.   The typical pre-teen wonders, “Is it me, am I the only one feeling this way? It must be just me.” It’s a sublime irony that all of these kids find themselves together in middle school, surrounded by others who are undergoing the same singular experience, and yet they feel like they are the only ones.  

They feel alone.


Stephen King Caricature | CC by AZRainman at www.azrainman.com

I recently read an interview with the phenomenal author of horror, supernatural fiction, suspense, science fiction and fantasy, Stephen King, one of my long-time favorites. He recounts that when he was younger, he was afraid to go into a certain room in his house because he was convinced that there was a bogeyman in there who wanted to get him.  Naturally, King had a vivid idea of what this creature looked like and the horrible things it would do if it captured him.  He avoided this room at all costs.

I enjoyed this story because when I was a kid, there was a certain closet in my house that terrified me.  I was convinced there was a witch in there. In my imagination it was the Wicked Witch of the West,  from the movie the Wizard of Oz.  She’d jump out of the closet as I walked past and pull me into a dark void of terror from which I’d never return.  I won’t compare my imagination to Stephen King’s but I had a vivid mental image of what it’d feel like. I had to pass that closet to get to my bedroom and I would do anything to avoid walking past it alone.  Three of my brothers shared that bedroom with me and I would wait until one of them was already in bed before I’d go past that closet. If it was during the day, I’d trick one of my siblings to accompany me by telling him I had a new toy or baseball cards in the bedroom to show them (it worked every time).


CC stock image at https://pixabay.com/

But there was something that was even worse than my fear of the witch in the closet, it was my conviction that I was the only one who felt this way. I thought I was the only kid who was afraid of witches in closets. It made me feel somehow like I wasn’t normal, that I was different in a way that wasn’t OK.  Little did I know that EVERY kid in America who’d ever seen the Wizard of Oz was afraid of that witch popping out of a closet in their house.  If only I had shared my fear with somebody (did I mention that I have many siblings?), I’d have recognized that I wasn’t the ONLY one who felt this way, that I wasn’t alone. So here I am, so many years later, and it made me feel validated to read Stephen King describe his memorable dread of a particular room in his house.  I wasn’t alone!

This got me thinking about the power of reading.  This is exactly why it is important for young people to read, to read in large volume, to read many different kinds of books.  There is a singular power in discovering our own experiences mirrored in another person’s on the printed page. For every adolescent who encounters fear or conflict or love, there is a person, real or imagined, whose life is described in words and whose experiences can help them realize they aren’t the only one.  When kids read books, they come to recognize that the world contains innumerable thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

They realize, they are not alone.




CC Stock Image – http://www.Pixabay.com


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About cooking: You can eat your mistakes

@DMGately at Nathan’s Famous 4th of July.

It was the Fourth of July.   I was doing what I love doing in the summertime, using my barbeque smoker to make pulled pork sliders for dinner. I woke up at 4:15am to get it started so that we could have dinner in early afternoon.

You’ve gotta get up early in the morning if you’re going to make great food (I went back to sleep for a couple of hours once I got it going).

At some point in the afternoon, my stepson, who was in the pool with his girlfriend, asked me, “Don, how’d you learn how to cook?” I thought about it and I replied it’s really something I’ve been teaching myself for the past 10 years. I just decided I wanted to learn to cook. My journey as a cook has not been a straight line.  Whenever I have time, I cook.   And it brings me great joy.

“But how’d you do it?” he asked.

[/caption]I’d never really thought to explain it but I guess I read many cookbooks, watch food television, read articles in magazines and newspapers, talk about food with anybody who will discuss it with me, and then I just jump in there and try to cook things. Often I cook by myself but I also love to prepare a meal together with my wife.

The best part of cooking is, when you make mistakes, you get to eat your failures.

When you’re learning to cook, at the end of the process,  no matter what, you are eating.

Eating!  What’s better than that!

That got me thinking about education and school.

Like school, cooking is about something that is elemental to the human condition.  

We cook so we can eat.

We go to school so that we can learn.

That’s it, learning.  School is about learning.  

When I cook…

Nobody gives me a grade

If I make a mistake I can either eat it or throw it away and start over again

When I make a meal, I can always make it again, better than the last time

I’m  never forced to cook in the kitchen with my head down by myself not talking to anyone. Usually when I cook I’m doing it with my wife, we are talking, catching up, listening to music, maybe even enjoying a glass of wine.

I love the feedback I get about my cooking, good or bad,  “Don, I like your coleslaw with vinegar more than mayonnaise. Don, this is too spicy, this needs more salt.  This is so good, where do I get the recipe?”

Learning to cook is all about learning from mistakes but enjoying the process and eating the results. The thing I love most about cooking is the infinite nature of food. I will never stop learning because the universe of food and cooking is seemingly endless. There is so much food to enjoy and

We made this spaghetti with clam sauce.

 so many ways to prepare it. Enjoying food connects you to other people and other cultures in a way that is singularly rewarding.

I do not wish to mislead… I am NOT an awesome cook.  Far from it.  Forced to give myself a percentage grade (emphasis on forced, I am strenuously opposed to grading practices that use “averages”), I would grade myself an 83% (whatever that means).  But I always experience success when I cook, I never give up, I always learn something new, and I always love it!

Somewhere along the way, instead of being about learning, school often becomes a matter of success or failure. Kids are led through a highly prescribed path.  They often engage with content in isolation, not collaborating with others. The system cultivates an avoidance of failure because:  failure equals bad grades  – equals angry parents –  equals negative life prospects; or at least that’s what kids are led to believe.

I don’t have the solution to this dilemma but the similarities and differences between cooking and school has me thinking:

 In schools, how can we create conditions in which kids are NOT afraid to fail.  How can we make everything we do in school as joyful, as exploratory, and as fulfilling as cooking and eating.    It’s our responsibility as educators to make it that way!

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About hope: We can’t give in, can’t give up

When I first became aware of what happened at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, I forced it to the periphery of my attention.   A guidance counselor at my school sent me a text.  She knew that, as a school principal, I should be aware.  I was driving home from school when I got the text.  I’d met my wife near her school with flowers for Valentine’s Day.  At home I didn’t watch the news or follow the events on social media.  

The fact is, since the school shooting in 2012 at Sandy Hook Elementary School, when a 20-year-old shot and killed 20 children between six and seven years old, as well as six adult staff members with a semi-automatic rifle , I have greeted news of mass shootings with frustration and cynicism.  

When Sandy Hook happened, I was certain that something would change.  Six and seven year olds!  If as a nation we were not willing to do something to address gun violence in our schools following the deaths of six and seven year-olds, I told myself, nothing would ever change.  How could we not act!?

But we didn’t.  

And  more mass shootings occurred… many more school shootings.

Frustration and cynicism.  

Then, as often happens, I was inspired by one of my middle school colleagues, Dennis Schug, who is an amazing middle principal and a good friend.

In a group of middle level principals with whom I am connected via Voxer Dennis related how he responded to the news out of Parkland.   That evening, he reached out to his staff and asked them to be present in the hallways and at the classroom doors and even the doors to the building to greet students as they came to school, to welcome them and make them feel safe and loved.  That’s leadership and that’s caring right there.

I thought to myself, “Shame on me.”  I didn’t do anything like Dennis did.  I let my frustration and cynicism get in the way of my responsibilities as a leader, my responsibilities to my students to help them deal with the harsh realities of our world.

I read this quote  from Dr. Martin Luther King on Twitter:

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”

We all make mistakes.  Mine was allowing myself to lose hope.  I’d allowed my frustration with our government, with our nation,  to push hope out of my mind and out of my heart.   We can be frustrated but we cannot  allow ourselves to succumb to despair.  I’m not going to let this happen again.  I’m going to stand for and with my kids against gun violence.

I’m going to always stand with my students.  

I won’t lose hope.  

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